Understanding the narrowing road, Part 2–Fantasies

Facing the sudden realization of old age, perhaps believing you are no longer a valuable asset without the time remaining to dream of wonderful possibilities, crushes one’s daily life routine, expectations, and can be debilitating.

The growing lump in your gut–you know the one that comes just before the dentist sticks the needle into your gum–doesn’t subside as it normally would. The adrenaline continues racing up and down your insides. It is an effort to continue your daily routine, hide the obvious from your family and loved ones.

The initial second guessing decisions of your past is replaced by continuing fantasies about seemingly unimportant events in your life, particularly interpersonal relationships as a teenager and young adult:

I neared the intersection and slowed my pace. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the screen door open. She stepped out onto the porch, down the front steps and onto the sidewalk. She was walking at 90-degrees directly across my path, crossing the street. I slowed my steps toward her side of the intersection. She would cross my path just as I came up the curbing and turned the same direction.

Oh, wow, did I see what she was wearing. A Senior Cord skirt, short-sleeve sweater, saddle shoes, carrying her books and notebook against her chest. A very pretty girl, short blond hair, pink horn-rimmed glasses.

We were walking side by side now. We said nothing. As we walked, her left hand brushed my right in cadence with our steps. Without thinking, I reached out and took her hand. She looked straight ahead and smiled. We walked to the high school.

Of course none of this happened as in this fantasy. Never did I have the courage to approach her, let alone take her hand. I simply turned the corner and walked ahead of her, extending the distance between us with every step.  The young woman did exist. She was every bit as I describe, and more. Ah, youth.

Second guessing your business and life decisions when you first realize you are in the sunset of life is one thing, but fantasizing personal relationships of the past is quite another difficulty that can come with age. There is no time machine to take us back. We can never know what could have been, and likely was not in God’s plan anyway. God does have a plan, you know.

In truth, life has not been an overall disappointment, notwithstanding those failures we have all experienced. The positives are always there, waiting for you to recognize again. While time is no longer on your side, there are avenues you can take, personal interactions you can have. You have only to look and partake of the joy that is still a part of your existence. Life is not over because time is slipping away. — D. C. ‘Dan’ Lee

You are never too old to set another goal, or to dream a new dream. — Aristotle